Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
