Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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