matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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