She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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