I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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