i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
