My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
