i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
