I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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