So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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