I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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