dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
