You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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