I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
