I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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