Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
