i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
