She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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