so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
