So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
