how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
