Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
