Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
