Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
