True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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