well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
