New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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