Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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