I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
