Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
