FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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