Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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