no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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