Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
