WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
