My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
