that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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