I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
