I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
