I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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