I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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