i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to make out with him forever
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
