Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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