matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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