There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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