the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
