I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
