Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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