Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
