i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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