we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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