Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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