i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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