you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
