I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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