who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
