Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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