you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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