This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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