Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
