I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who died my cat blue again?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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