it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
